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Note:  These 10 personal lessons learned are a tongue-in-cheek appraisal of what Moms of Cuddlebugs can expect now and in the years ahead.

1.  Spending time with my children means more than what I bought at Toys-R-Us last Thursday

2.  Tucking them in at night requires a brief show-and-tell and a 20-minute Q&A session – so clear your schedule.

3.  Children will tell your business at the Wal-Mart checkout – forcing you to pretend you forgot an item and leave a long line to retrieve anything.

4.  Children do not obey the rule – if the bathroom door is closed, do not come in – and barge in only to quickly inform you that you do look funny naked, and then leave.

5.  You will cry when you overhear your child praying and they don’t know you’re there.

6.  You will receive a call from the school that your son is harboring a family of lizards in his desk.

7.  Your children do worry when you are sick – mainly because dad’s in charge.

8.  Weeds and other strange plant-type items – are flowers.

9.  Your children will use their spy gear against you. Think twice about purchasing such items. And finally …

10.  If you decide to snoop in your teenager’s book bag to catch him doing something wrong, find a paper he wrote about heroes in his life, read it and discover he wrote about you – don’t be too ashamed. Carefully put everything back without a word – and relish the moment.

What personal lessons have you learned so far as you begin to raise your kids?

Understanding child development can help you strengthen your parenting skills

Note: This is part two of a series about child abuse in Onslow County. For part one, click here.

We, a community of colleagues, parents, family, friends and neighbors – do not accept the statistics of child abuse.

What can we do? We are dismayed as to why children are abused. We ask – who could or would do such a thing?

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer to this question. Abusers aren’t the scary monsters we envision. Sadly, they can be a neighbor, a friend, and a co-worker. What we do know is that child abuse is more likely to occur when parents are struggling from:

• Stress
• Pressures
• A difficult or painful childhood
• Addictions
• Feelings of isolation
• Unrealistic expectations of children

The greatest gift we can offer to families who are at risk or in crisis is our time and our listening ears – to hear them and get to know their struggles. We must recognize their challenges as reality, and personally model positive parenting practices in our community.

I know each of us has wondered: Is it really my business to place my nose where it doesn’t belong? If we are committed to making a difference for kids – it is our business.

It shouldn’t hurt to be a child; this we acknowledge with passion. But it shouldn’t hurt to be a parent either!

Five Protective Factors

Its basic common sense that when protective factors are in place and are strong – abuse and neglect diminish. Research supports five protective factors known to strengthen families:

1. Parental resilience
2. Social connections
3. Knowledge of parenting and child development
4. Concrete support in times of need
5. Social and emotional development of children

We must continue our work connecting our resources. We are all players in this reality show. If your work can be described by one of these five protective factors – connect with other resources in the community and, let’s make it happen!

Suzie McCabe is a Maternal-Child Case Manager for Onslow Memorial Hospital.

NOTE: This is the first part of a two-part series on the topic of child abuse

“It shouldn’t hurt to be a child” was the key message at the Fifth Annual Child Abuse Vigil at Onslow Memorial Hospital held in October.

Onslow County has historically ranked as one of the highest in child-abuse rates in the state. Officials say that’s primarily because the county is also the youngest county in North Carolina, with a median age of 23.

There were a total of 388 reported cases of child abuse in Onslow County in 2008. These numbers have declined drastically from the thousands since Onslow Memorial Hospital started hosting the Vigil.

As the Maternal/Child Case Manager for Onslow Memorial Hospital, I was asked to speak at the vigil and share my views on parenting and how I help educate parents about this important issue.

Bill Cosby said it well: “Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: Each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.”

Parenting . . . My, how some things have changed. The other day I found myself sending a text message from downstairs to my 15-year-old son to come to dinner. When I was his age, dinner was ready when mom hollered your name in a low octave that clearly meant – come now or else!

My 9-year-old daughter asked me for her own laptop for Christmas. She intellectually pointed out that mine was infested with viruses and runs way too slow. When I was her age, I earned my first diary with a lock and discovered that Pop Rocks mixed with soda made your nostrils feel strange.

My 7-year-old son, the appointed innocent family comedian, leaves me notes dictating the items he would like me to pack for his lunch, still wears the clothes I lay out for him in the morning, and publicly asks questions like: “Mom, does Santa wear a bra?” When I was his age, I rode a bike with no helmet, faithfully bathed my pet rock, and informed my younger sister she was adopted since she had blonde hair. Yes – she believed me, and yes – I was in trouble.

Times have changed! Parenting is the real reality show, and these are the realities of our everyday lives. But not all our moments are comical or easy. There are real struggles; real challenges that place parenting as a contender for the TV show “The World’s Dirtiest Jobs.”

I think of my children each moment of every day. As parents, we may question whether we do our best to show our children we love them and that they are first in all we do, even when we’re away. We often wonder if, at the end of our day, we have wasted too much time worrying about who we may have let down at work instead of really listening to our children, kissing a forehead goodnight, or spending time to admire their 100^th drawing of a beaver with wings. I tell myself a million times – I don’t want to miss a moment and then wonder how I’ve missed so many already.

So let’s put this in perspective. We are moms and dads — proud titles we were assigned at the time of our child’s birth and about which we have learned of the significance through the years. Some of us are new, some experienced, and some trying to retire and just enjoy being grandparents. We will never know all there is to know about parenting, but each of us knows something. If we pull all these somethings together – we just may have everything we need as a community to support one another.