It’s the Real Thing This Time
All the months of training have finally culminated in the event that could not be avoided: deployment. Matt left yesterday, and it’s the real thing this time. No coming home in a month for us.
We ended up waiting around five hours to see him off because we had to be there early so he could get some work done. Ben did remarkably well considering he usually gets a nap in the morning, and didn’t get really get to sleep at all yesterday. He had a little episode where he wouldn’t stop crying because he was so exhausted. But after a little while he snapped out of it, and went back to acting like himself before he passed out on my shoulder. Unfortunately, that was right about the time Matt had to leave. He ended up getting woken up anyways, because of course Matt wanted to hold him one last time.
As for me, I did really well the entire morning. I didn’t feel any sadness or dread. I knew what was coming, and I was just ready to get it done. I even remember being so hungry after waiting for five hours, that I started thinking that I couldn’t wait for this to get done so I could go get some food!
But then of course, the moment actually came. The buses pulled up, and Matt finally walked over to say goodbye. Most of the Marines were able to spend the morning waiting with their families; Matt was tasked out with work to do virtually the entire time, so I got very, very little time with him before he left. We had about one minute to give each other one last hug and kiss. And as soon as he walked over after the buses pulled up, I knew what it meant and the tears started flowing.
It’s the hardest part of a deployment, really, watching them leave. It’s so hard to stop, and let them go. All I wanted was to hold him for one more second, kiss him one more time, tell him I loved him again. But you can’t. He turns to leave, and all you can do is let him go and watch him walk away. It’s heartbreaking. And then the buses leave, and it’s over. It starts to sink in that they’re really leaving.
And what’s even harder is knowing that they’re not just going out to sea or something where hey, it sucks that they’re gone but you know they’re coming home in six months or whatever. The little dark thought creeps into your head over and over again… what if this is the last time I ever see him? I might never see my husband again. This could be our last kiss. In all likelihood, he’ll come home perfectly fine. But there’s always that possibility that he won’t — he is going off to war after all — and sometimes you just can’t ignore that thought.
All we can do now is wait and hope the time passes by quickly — and hope that Ben remembers his Daddy when he comes home.
How do you deal with your spouse leaving? What can you do to make the transition easier on them?
