Selective Listening For Toddlers
Another thing I have noticed about Isaac that has changes since he entered the aptly-titled terrible twos is his amazingly selective listening skills!
It’s pretty impressive, really, and if I wasn’t completely positive this is a new fun-filled phase for my toddler, I might be concerned that he has a hearing problem.
Yes, that’s how bad it is sometimes!
Listen to your mother, young man!
We will be playing and Isaac will decide his toy truck has somehow wronged him and responds by throwing it.
Mommy gently reminds son that it’s not nice to throw our toys, and that it hurts them.
Son appears to be listening, but then less than 15 seconds later chooses to wing the poor truck again, this time much harder.
Mommy replies with a firm no no Isaac, that is not nice, we will not be allowed to play with our toys if we throw them like that.
Son looks to be properly scolded…and then tosses the truck right at Mommy’s face.
This short example illustrates Isaac’s complete lack of hearing sometimes, and needless to say did not end well for son!
Actually it was one of the few times I have felt I had to spank him versus time out or redirection, because it really hurt ): I’d hate for him to try this at preschool and injure another child!
Yes, I know it’s more of a 2-year-old asserting his independence and pushing his boundaries, but it’s such a total turnaround from a certain well-behaved innocent younger Isaac…
He used to be so agreeable and listened so well, but now no one believes me, haha. Don’t get me wrong though, my son definitely had his moments and was not a perfect angel, but now it’s like he is a completely different child sometimes.
He used to come when I called him; now he happily ignores me. He used to do whatever was asked of him; now he does the exact opposite. He used to…okay, I think you get the idea.
Oh well, I love my little monster, even if he ignores me and hits me with trucks (:
Does your child(ren) have selective listening?
This is a hard phase of childhood.
Hang in there – give him lots of HUGS AND KISSES – all that positive attention can hopefully prevent some of the negative attention children can crave (I get mommy’s extra attention when I do this). Also, with the transitions in your life – children can act out when anxious or feeling less settled – which means the hugs and snuggles are even more important too.
Sometimes 1, 2, 3 magic – - – count to three, slowly, after asking him to stop a certian behavior. Follow through is really important. So, “Isaac, mommy would like you to not throw trucks at mommy and if it happens again, we will take a break from Mr. Truck and take a short time out”. Then count, 1, 2, 3. Then do what you said you would do.
Another option involves explaining and giving opportunities to self-correct. This involves 3 steps:
Step one- explain to him that he can’t throw trucks at mommy and show him how trucks should work and play with him for a second doing that (or few minutes). Then allow him to try.
Step two: Second warning is repeat step one and tell him if he throws trucks at mommy he will get a time out. Again show him how trucks are used and give him chance to try.
Step three: go through step one again and allow him to try; then give time out and take truck away briefly.
Distraction and redirection can work sometimes too – or at least my daycare provider is a master at that.
There is no magical answer – other than have patience, remember he is still a baby in so many ways despite his testing of limits, and remember love prevails over consequences and logic.
Ha ha…good luck!
Now – remind me of these words when my son gets to this stage
Thank you Sue for all these awesome tips! She’s got street cred, people, she is a licensed psychologist (: I love the reminders for lots of hugs and kisses and even more patience. I’m workin on that last one a lot lately!