To Spank Or Not To Spank
So I keep going back and forth on this…
At first I thought I would never ever physically discipline Isaac, despite the fact I was occasionally spanked and turned out fine just like millions of other adults who were also spanked.
It just seems…harsh, maybe? Unnecessary, perhaps? I just didn’t like the idea of hitting my kid, and was sure I could find another method of getting the point across without tanning that hide.
No issues with those who were spankers, I just wasn’t planning on doing so myself, that’s all.
Is this acceptable or not?
Until the other day that Isaac hauled off and smacked me really hard right in the face. And then laughed.
What the heck? (That was not exactly what I was thinking but I censored it for you all, hehe).
My first reaction was to turn that naughty boy over my knee, but I held that in check, instead grabbing his hand and putting it on my face where he hit me, saying “Ouch! That hurt Mommy when you hit her! Mommy is sad now, because we do not hit people, that is not nice!” and then sending him to a time-out.
For a second Isaac looked sorry as he sat in his time-out and I thought that he understood…until 5 minutes later he did the exact same thing!
This time there was an unpleasant consequence to his action, a quick swat on the bottom, and then of course we both cried about it!
I tried to explain to my son once he calmed down why Mommy had to spank him, but then I realized I was a huge hypocrite who told him that we do not hit people, then I went and did that very thing!
I felt awful, and I still do, but time-outs don’t seem serious enough for a Mommy face-slap second time offense.
I never thought discipline would be so confusing and guilt-inducing!
So am I going to spank my son when he throws his food on the ground or messes with the dvd player? No.
But when he continuously does something that can either hurt himself or others, then yes, I think I have become the occasional spanker… for now.
So what’s your take on spanking? Spare the rod and spoil the child or physical punishment is basically child abuse?
There are SO many theories out there but this is MY personal experience and you can do with it what you like =)
When Serophina was Isaac’s age we went through a short block of time when we believed in spanking. And usually it was in response to the scenario you described above. But we realized quickly, that spanking did not work. Not only did it not work, I think it made her rebellious.
We took our concerns about this to our Pediatrician, who is the most level headed person you’ll ever meet, and he said Time Out… always, set the timer for minutes equaling their age. Sometimes they will fight and kick but it’s important to stay consistent and keep your cool. There were times that we had to calmly hold her down in her chair for 45 minutes because she was fighting us so bad. That only happened a few times, but after that….it clicked in her. And we saw a positive change.
Of course, knowing me, this probably won’t work for Saioa when she’s that age and we’ll be back at square one!
Good luck!
Hi Mamta,
Thank you for sharing your personal experience — sometimes that is more trustworthy than reading up on a bunch of different theories, at least in my opinion (:
I will try the timeout method again next time, because I’m sure there will be a next time, haha! I think it’s the keeping my cool part that is the toughest for me, I have much less patience sometimes with my own child than the others at the daycare. Isaac of course picks up my stress which makes it worse, ug, but I’d still rather not spank or keep it to a minimum if at all.
Thanks again, I hope it works, for Isaac and well as Saioa later on.
[...] it was one of the few times I have felt I had to spank him versus time out or redirection, because it really hurt ): I’d hate for him to try this at preschool and injure another [...]