Breastfeeding a Toddler
Me and my toddler
Yes, I’m proud (and afraid) to say it. I breastfeed my toddler. I’ve done all of my research on the benefits of breastfeeding and I am definitely an advocate for breastfeeding. I knew early on that I was going to breastfeed Nora (and all of my future children) at least for the first year of their life.
I wasn’t expecting the first year of Nora’s life to come and go so quickly. I also wasn’t expecting Garrett to deploy days after Nora’s first birthday. I didn’t have the heart to rock Nora’s world so soon after Garrett left and continued to breastfeed her. Garrett’s deployment wasn’t the only reason I continued to breastfeed Nora. Maybe I’ve sat through one too many child development classes, but I’m terribly afraid to create attachment and abandonment issues in Nora.
Nora is now officially a year and a half old and, yes, I’m still breastfeeding her. I have been hoping she’d wean herself but that seems to be the farthest thing from what is happening. She seems more attached to breastfeeding, and gets more upset if I deny her request.
Most of the time I am totally okay with breastfeeding Nora despite her age. I am confident in my research and am okay with how much she relies on me/needs me. So why am I sitting here blogging about/in turmoil over breastfeeding a toddler? Keep reading for my little secret.
I am embarrassed to breastfeed Nora in public.
I get strange looks, whispers, and stares. Typically no one else is even breastfeeding and here I am with a kid who can get up and run away when she is done. I used to feel completely okay with breastfeeding Nora at coffee shops, restaurants, parks, etc. Not anymore. I avoid it/distract her when I can. When I can’t, I find myself justifying my behavior or apologizing to friends who probably couldn’t care less.
How can I deny such an adorable baby who pauses mid feeding to say, “tank tou.” Who will sit up, smile, tap me and say, “oter side.” Well, I personally can’t. At least not right now. So if you see me please look away or even give me a smile. And thank you to all of the brave women who come up to me and say, “I remember those years.” It helps me to not feel so alone in what I’m doing.
How do you feel breastfeeding in public?
I totally respect your decision to continue to breast feed Nora and I know you that you have done your research and are doing what you think is best for Nora. However, I think you need to give more credit to Nora. She is not going to hate you if you stop breast feeding her! You will still be there to hold her and play with her and meet her needs. You are not abandoning her. So whenever the day comes when you do decide to wean her, it will probably be harder on you than her! She will be fine!
I would love to read your research on extended breastfeeding. Maybe you could do a post with some links and the conclusions you drew from them.
I also respect your decision to continue. I was excited to make it to the year point and that is when I broke my ankle. I chose to keep breastfeeding J out of convenience for myself – it was easier than moving around more to make her meals and snacks. We went another three months and then I went away for two nights. It seemed a natural ending point. J was with Mike and didn’t seem to even notice. She had already been rejecting bottles of pumped BM for months. I wasn’t quite ready though and BF’ed a few times when we got back. We made it through two more weeks, not even every day, when I realized I was forcing it. Sometimes for a few weeks after that J would get a little agitated if she saw me getting dressed, but she was easily distracted by other things. It was obvious the end had come.
I think the most important part here is that our babies have moved passed the stage where we HAVE to immediately meet their needs no matter what. They are old enough to adapt to change, acquire some patience and learn new things. So your routine regards to anything – eating, sleeping, schedule – should meet BOTH of your needs and wants. It sounds like regular BFing is not meeting your schedule needs right now. So I echo Sadie above, Nora is not going to hate you when you make changes. You are feeding her and keeping her safe, definitely not abandoning her, and loving her to pieces. I think you are doing the rights things by distracting her when you do not wish to feed her. Maybe cut down to one feeding a day at night (if that is what is best for you and you are comfortable with!). Nora is adaptable. She is the center of your world – you are not going to create abandonment issues with her.
I think you are brave for writing your thoughts about this. You’ll find a compromise that makes it work for both of you. Good luck!
Sadie and Sara, Thanks for your feedback and advice!
Sara, you have definitely given me a very good blog topic! Stay tuned for my blog post on why you should breastfeed until 2!
Kelly