How Being A Mother Ruined My Thought Process
“Where were you??!! You should have called me, I was worried you were laying somewhere dead in a ditch!”
I cannot even begin to count the number of times I heard that statement from my parents when I showed up after curfew growing up, but I can assure you it was more than a million. I blew those types of worst case scenario comments off as my parents over reacting. Like I’m ACTUALLY going to be dead in a ditch just because I didn’t come home on time.
I’m here today in a public forum saying okay, I understand where you were coming from mom and dad.
From the moment Sayle was born, my thought process went into overdrive with worst case scenario fears and irrational thoughts. If I was driving with Sayle in the car, I worried about someone rear ending me (I still worry about that). If Sayle coughed, I knew he must have pneumonia. And let us not forget the first time he and I both slept through feeding time-when I woke up I immediately ran to his side to make sure he was breathing.
I would like to say that I’ve gotten better about this now that Sayle is older, but unfortunately this is not the case. I still have what I like to refer to as “irrational thoughts;” I’m constantly worried about worst case scenario. I have written about how cautious and anxious I become when Sayle is around water, I worry about Sayle falling and busting his teeth through his lips, and I have even gone as far as to worry about a plane crashing into Sayle’s daycare since planes fly overhead on a regular basis. Yea-I’m that bad.
I know it isn’t healthy to think like that, but I can’t turn it off. I finally disclosed my irrational thought process to my fellow blogger Kelly as I was certain I was experiencing a mental health diagnosis. To my relief, she explained that she too feared worst case scenarios, that I was perfectly normal, and definitely not having a mental health break down.
As I thought about it more, my irrational thought process is the exact same as “being dead in a ditch,” only the toddler version. Parents are programmed to fear the worst because we love our children so much that we are driven to a state of constant protection, or momma bear syndrome. Granted, I believe I’m the only mother who has even considered a plane crash scenario, but I know I’m not the only parent who worries.
I am now an “enlightened” parent who understands the pains of a mother’s heart.
Hello fellow worry wart! I will have to say that my neurotic/ worst case scenario thoughts started the minute the doctor said “your’re pregnant”! From that minute, still to this day, I worry about everything that could possibly happen. When i was pregnant, I stayed awake thinking of all that I ate and if I had something i shouldnt. I even went to the dentist like 3 times for them to make sure that the fillings I had were ok for the baby! When she was born and still, I hover over her bed to make sure I see her chest go up and down. When she is on a playground, I stand right beside her to make sure she doesnt fall or trip. My husband says that I have issues, but I just cant help it. My craziness continues when we are in the car, when we are in a store, and when she is at school. I wont even go outside to get something from my car when she is napping! Im glad to hear that its not only me with these neurotic thoughts and tendencies! Maybe we should write a book about how to parent your child and not loose your brain!!
Worry wart is such an ugly word, let’s rename ourselves with something prettier–like—extremely creative and observant mothers?
I think our maternal instict is just wayyyyyyyyyyyyy into over drive! At least we know we aren’t suffering from mental health issues, at least not in that respect 