Help! My Toddler Won’t Go To Sleep At Night!
As parents, we all engage in battles with our children. Some of these battles are mini-battles that happen occasionally, and others are full blown battles which occur consistently.
I am currently engaged in a nightly battle with Sayle regarding bedtime and I’m losing terribly. Losing to the point I want to poke my eyeballs out. I’m not sure if this is a phase he is going through or if this is how it is going to be until I come up with a solution, but either way Sayle is being extremely difficult lately and I need some mommy assistance.
I would like for him to go down between 7:30 and 8:00, but he wants to go down around 9:30-sometimes even 10. These late nights are not okay with me.
We have a nightly routine that goes very well until we hit the dreaded bedtime, then Sayle resorts to screaming bloody murder. As soon as we start walking back to his room the screams of protest start; he kicks, whines, etc. We place him down in the crib where he immediately twists his body and jumps up, holding tightly to the crib rail while throwing his head back in a howl that declares I AM NOT GOING TO BED!
I have tried to allow him time to cry it out, but he winds himself up into such a tizzy, I don’t feel comfortable with letting it continue. The tizzy isn’t just cries of protest, he seriously cries so hard he starts coughing and choking-like a very distressed cry. Then I try rocking him, just in case he will settle down with me, but that seldom works and we start the cycle all over again.
I get Sayle up early every morning regardless of what time he went to sleep the night before so he isn’t catching up on his sleep in the AM. He usually naps about an hour every afternoon at daycare. We have tried everything we can think of to get him to go to sleep. We have quiet time before Sayle goes to bed, which consists of bath time and then reading several books. I try to keep his activity level limited with quiet, slow paced activities. He starts rubbing his eyes and you can tell the child is tired, but he will simply not surrender to sleep.
The only thing that has worked was letting Sayle fall asleep while watching Elmo. I do not want him to get accustomed to falling asleep in front of the television in the living room (and I’m not a fan of TV anyways), so that is not a solution. We have tried starting the bedtime routine earlier. As I stated above, we have tried letting him cry it out. We have tried letting him play with toys in his crib. None of this works!
Sayle used to go to sleep easily so I’m not sure why all of a sudden he thinks he can stay up all night?! I want him in a routine, but I apparently can’t get it right.
Has your child gone through this? Do you have any suggestions?
That sucks (I remember when both our girls didn’t like going to bed – not fun! Of course now they hate waking up in the AM, can’t win can we?)
I know I’ve told you (I think) we did a controlled cry it out and the first night was horrible. Definitely my “I’m a terrible mom” night. Took 3 days and things got way better (but even #2 and #3 were a lot better) I never took them out of the crib. Not saying it’s for everyone but we just didn’t know what else to do.
We got the idea from a pediatric sleep nurse we went to – anyone like that in your area?
Yes Julie-I remember you did tell me about this now that you mention it. I was so spoiled for so long with Sayle going to sleep easily, I am now paying the dues that you and everyone else has already paid. I know what you mean about the horrible mother night, when Sayle cries so hard he is coughing and carrying on-I feel horrible. So you think I should just go in there and soothe him, but not take him out of the crib?
Thanks for the help, I need all I can get on this one!
I know it is hard! Beau went through the same thing about a month ago and I would sit in my living room and cry while listening to him go insane in his room! I was frustrated and confused about the whole ordeal! A pediatrician friend recommended not taking them out of the crib as well. He said to go in and comfort but not take them out. Well, that made Beau even more upset. I finally had no choice but to let him go until he fell asleep. It was a tough couple nights but got better really quick. He still whines but it is nothing compared to before. I called my friend and had her listen over the phone because I couldn’t believe what he was doing every night. I will try to remember the other pointers from the Doc. I know it boiled down to feeling like the worst mom ever for a few nights and then it was much better! Good luck! Call me if you need to vent!
Hey Brooke,
Kevin is only 8 1/2 months old but I too did the modified “cry it out” method with him and it worked after a few days. I felt horrible listening to my baby cry but I would make myself wait a certain amount of time (usually 10-15 minutes) before I would re-enter his room. After about 2-3 days, he goes down with a little whine but quickly collapses in a deep coma! Our night time routine consists of a bath (around 6:45) and then a bottle while I rock him for about 5 mins. I know you may think that sounds weird but I play a music cd every night for him and I will rock him through the first two songs and place him in the crib at the start of the 3rd song. I’ve had to do that so that I won’t get caught up and rock him completely to sleep! I’m now trying to transition him out of the bottle before bed. Tonight was the first night and it went well. Kevin is usually sleep by 7:30 each night.
Again, maybe you need to try to modified cry it out method. I have to be honest and admit I did pick Kevin back up when I went back in to calm him down. Of course when I placed him back in the crib he screamed bloody murder but surprisingly within a minute or two he’s sleep!
Good luck! Just know that you are a GREAT mother and although he is screaming his head off…he will eventually roll over and go to sleep.
Cheryl and Pamie-thanks so much for your input. Sayle finally went down around 9:15. UGHS! We did quiet time in his room this time and when it was time to go in his crib the drama started. I took all the advice you guys (Julie, you too) gave and let him cry it out. I used ALL my self-control to not run in there while he was coughing and carrying on, but I watched him closely on the monitor. He stood there just screaming for a good while, then it turned into whines, and then he just collapsed into sleep.
Pamie-7:30 bedtime sounds GREAT to me. When will Sayle get there?
Cheryl-what time does Beau usually go down?
I WANT 7:30 TOO!!!
Hey Brooke,
I know its hard, but I have had my days with letting Hunter “cry it out” He goes to be about 7 to 7:30 every night just because, I have to get him up early everyday to be at daycare. There are still night where he will scream like that for 30-45 min…(and I scream and cry too) but no matter how much he does it, I do not go in cuz that only makes it worse for him. Also, then he is learning that he has to scream that loud to get what he wants. Sounds like Sayle is putting up quiet the fight! But stick to the same bed time that you want everynight and dont give in!! Good luck!!
We put him in bed at 8 now. At 7:45 we tell him that it is time to start getting ready for bed. We take him in his room and change his diaper. We read a book. We turn off his light and sit in the rocker and tell him that we love him and what a good boy he is. We then walk toward the dreaded crib and tell him good night and lower him in. We used to have to yell good night so he could hear it over his own screams of protest. Now he tells us nite nite back. Sometime we even get a eyyou (I love you)!!! It happened over night after I was convinced it never would!
Nichole-I got him down at 8:30 tonight! WOOHOO progress made! Sounds like everyone feels the same way when their child is screaming their heads off. I let Sayle scream again tonight for about 10 minutes before he fell asleep. Does Hunter cry the entire 30-45 mins or is it more of a whine? I totally agree with you on the reinforcement of going in there when your child is screaming, that does teach them if they scream to a certain point they will get their way.
Cheryl-the eyyou sounds adorable! I can’t wait for Sayle to say it. Sounds like you have a good bedtime routine; I usually end up reading at least three books.
Hi Brooke,
I wondered if our experience with Ben and his poor sleep habits and patterns might help. As you know Ben slept poorly most of his first 3 years. He suffered countless coughs, cold and recurrent ear infections during this period and eventually had grommets (tubes) inserted a few weeks before Sam was born. He slept through the night from that night onwards. They needed to be replaced at least 3 times during his childhood but his disturbed sleep disappeared with the insertion of his grommets.
The ear specialist told me that whether he was suffering an ear infection or not he was probably someone who was very sensitive to the pressure build up in his ears due to recurrent infections and the natural narrowness of his Eustachian tubes (which causes glue ear in the first place) and that would have caused him some discomfort/irritation upon laying down. This combined with teething, other infant illnesses and his strong personality were contributory factors to him developing poor sleeping habits. Maybe you could mention this to his doctor when you are next at the doctors as Sayle could be suffering similar discomfort when laying down and developing an aversion to bedtime as a result. Of course he could just be being ‘a little tinker’ but it would be worth eliminating something that has a resolve if it is contributing to the problem. Hope you find a solution soon, for all your sakes!
Grandma xx xx xx
We also did a combination of the cry it out and go in and comfort but not pick up. Micah has had a few phases when he goes back to crying hysterically – we had a round of it for about another week or two a few weeks back. You can start trying to put them to bed earlier – sometimes the hysteria is a sign of being over-tired. Separation anxiety also factors in…you can put him in the crib and sit in the room, reassure him that you are there, and you love him. Sometimes I’ll leave and come back. If he escalates into hysteria with the coughing and choking, I’ll go in, but other than that, I let him cry it out.
I’ve also started giving him warnings…like after we finish this, we’re going to go upstairs and go night night. Micah has been going to bed around 8:30 for the past 10 months. He was a 7:00-7:30 baby from months 5-11. From 2-5 months, more like 8 or 8:30. Maya, however, is more like a 9:30-10:30 baby still, although tonight I got her to bed at 9.