How To Discipline Other People’s Kids
I have no problem whatsoever disciplining my own children. In fact, I am the enforcer of the house, not Chris, which may seem weird but it works for us.
If Isaac keeps pulling the dog’s tail after several “No-no’s” or “Not for Isaac’s” (thanks Kelly!) he gets a firm two-finger tap on his arm or hand, and if he still doesn’t listen he gets put in his playpen for a quick baby style time-out.
At first I did not think, at 10 months, Isaac would understand a time-out but I was surprised to see that at the very least it calmed him down and kept him away from the problem for the time being. So in my book it was a success (:
If Marissa tells a lie or talks back she gets punished as well, although she is too big for the playpen, unfortunately. I have to be a bit more creative with her, but taking away her stereo and having her write and memorize certain verses from the Bible seem to be working right now.
I am a strict mom, and I know this, and I am ok with it.
When it comes to laying down the law on other people’s kids though, I have some trouble.
I don’t want to be the mom who yells at other kids and lectures their parents, but I also don’t want to be the mom who stands by passively as other kids run wild and disrupt things.
Working at a daycare I have my fill of this, as in a past post I talked about how aggressive the kids were one week. We had our hands full doing time-outs, but I still felt weird giving a loud, “we don’t hit our friends” accompanied by the mommy stare down, and of course busting out a ton of time-outs.
We try to also do a lot of “gentle hands” by showing the child how to softly pat their friends instead of being rough. Sometimes this works, other times not so much.
I think it makes it easier when I know how the parent disciplines their child already or they tell me their preferences. For example, I have a mom who explained to me how she reacts to her child’s hitting, so I try to follow that example when dealing with her child. At least then I feel as though I am not crossing the line at all.
I don’t know, it just feels strange when it’s not my own kid!
Do you discipline other people’s kids? If so, when and how?
Sarah,
This is a constant discussion my friends and I have. At our coffees we have lots of kids around and lots of moms too. There have been several times when another mom has disciplined someone else’s child and it has gotten some feathers ruffled. After talking with my friends we decided a few things.
1. Nicely re-directing is always okay
2. If someone’s life is at stake it’s okay to intervene (fire, sharp objects, bodily harm, etc).
3. If the child’s mom is there (and sees what happened) let them discipline their child
4. If the child’s mom is there and didn’t see what happened you can inform them of what happened and let them decide what to do
I think with the daycare you have a different situation than being in a social environment. You need to teach the children what the limits are or they are going to attempt to push you around every single day. A lot of times children are acting out to see what the parent/teacher is going to do (and to determine what they can get away with). Usually day cares/schools have rules posted on the wall. This way parents are aware of what rules will be enforced and teachers/day care providers can be consistent with all children. If you guys don’t have one, make it up! and then you don’t have to feel bad disciplining the kids at day care because you’ve already warned the parents. : )
Great post!
Kelly
I agree with Kelly, Sarah great post! Kelly, I agree with all of your answers as well and those rules for your mom coffee are great.
I think that nicely redirecting a child is always okay. I think there is a difference between a nice redirect in a nice tone of voice and a discipline call down. For instance, one of Sayle’s little friends always greets him at the door when we arrive and as soon as I put him down she is hugging all over him, sometimes too tight and often almost knocking him over. I will say something like “oh Susie, you are so excited to see Sayle, but show me gentle hands when you hug him (thank goodness for some gentle hands!!) I don’t think there is anything wrong with that and I would be 100% okay with someone else saying that to Sayle if he was hugging too tight or accidentally knocking their child over.
I don’t think it is another mom’s place to discipline someone else’s child, unless they are in a position of baby authority, like their teacher. I have no problem with his teacher putting him in time out or something like that-it is simple cause and effect and that has to be learned. When Sayle was going through his land shark phase I instructed the teacher to put her finger on his mouth and say “no bite, bitting hurts.”
If I am right there and something happens that I didn’t see, I want to be told about it and I will handle it. I would not be okay with another mom tapping Sayle’s hands and I would never tap some other child’s hands-no way! In fact, I don’t think I would tap another child’s hands even if the mom was a good friend of mine. I would be more inclined to carry the child to their mother and let the mom do it.
Regardless Sarah, you are the authority over a baby empire and you are in charge! You have to keep all those babies safe and you are an active participant in their development so cause and effect is a must have.
Holy huge replies, batman (:
Thanks guys, your input is appreciated!
Good rules, Kelly; I am going to make a rules poster this week, what a great idea!
Don’t worry Brooke, I only bust out the hand tap on my own child; I agree, I would never put my hands on anyone else’s baby like that, yikes! Redirection is key, as well as cause and effect, and hopefully I can teach them this (:
Oh and Brooke, you were the mom in my example, even though I changed “biting” to “hitting” what with all the teeth lately I did not want to mention that anymore to you, I know you guys are still traumatized, and I still feel badly for the little Saylefish (: