Isaac Heart Marissa and Likewise
Sarah? Is Isaac my real brother? I was told that since we don’t have the same mom that we aren’t really related and he is not really my brother.”
Wow, my stepdaughter asks some loaded questions! When I first heard this one it hurt my heart that Marissa might not love Isaac as a “real” sibling just because I am not her birth mother. Then I realized that there was no truth to that; and that she loves my son regardless of what others might tell her. Marissa entertains him by singing, making funny faces, and playing peek-a-boo, and she always wants to hold him, and Isaac laughs at anything she does and always wants to grab her blond hair; they are darling together (:
Marissa has always been very independent and strong, even through her dad’s messy divorce and custody battle. She loves her mom and dad despite what problems they have with each other, which I am very proud of. Marissa is mature beyond her years and amazes me every day with her thoughts and observations — everything from a new way to solve a tricky math problem to her empathy for a lost dog.
When Chris and I got pregnant we weren’t sure how Marissa would take the news, as she had always been an only child in our house and the center of attention. Luckily she was thrilled, although she was hoping for a little sister, haha! She still gets jealous at times, but understands that Isaac is just a baby and needs extra attention. I make sure to remind her that we love both of our kids the same, and that God healed both of them for a reason. When Marissa was 8 months she had open heart surgery to repair a valve, and has been just fine ever since…another miracle in my book!
To read about Isaac’s miracle, go here: http://cuddlebugs.onslow.org/cuddlebugs/2010/01/miracles/
Being a step mom and a “real” mom is not easy, but I do my best to raise both Marissa and Isaac with love and consider them my kids, no matter what anyone says (:
Any step parents want to share your opinions on this tough job?
I enjoyed this article Sarah because it is written from the heart and covers important issues regarding step families. Like you I was a step mother before I became a birth mother and my experience was to allow and encourage the children as much involvement with the new baby as they wanted and to try and make special time with each child. Our family language was always that they were all brothers together and how much we loved them all. The normal sibling rivalries and friendships developed as they grew up with many shared family experiences along the way. They are now all grown men and although we live in different countries now, their bonds to eachother are very precious to them all. I always considered them to be ‘my brood’ when we were all together and we were all united by the love of their Dad. With that approach it the labels ‘half’, ‘step’ etc didn’t matter at all. Good luck with your miracle family! Grandma -x-
Hi “Grandma” hehe
Thanks for your input; it is always so helpful to hear other people’s experiences, and yours is especially inspiring! I hope that my kids can ignore labels and have a close bond like yours. Thank you again (:
Sara you are an amazing woman and a rockstar mother! Anyone looking in from the outside would never know Marissa was your stepdaughter. I am continually amazed at how well adjusted and loving BOTH of your children are. keep up the good the good work.
Laura, thank you for the compliments (: I try my best, and definitely make mistakes, but not too many (I hope!). I give God the credit for helping me be the kind of woman my own mother was/is as well.