Disciplining Baby, Part 1
Adult seat belts are not for Nora (not yet anyway)
I didn’t know it then but life with an immobile infant was easy. Well, maybe I shouldn’t say easy; I should say easier.
Since Nora has become more active she has been getting into anything and everything possible. As a result Garrett and I had to baby proof and I have had to rearrange many shelves in our house. I am also having to struggle with a new aspect of parenting; discipline.
Long before Garrett and I had children we talked about how we wanted to raise our children. I wanted to incorporate some of the techniques for disciplining I learned in grad school (for those of you who don’t know; I have a graduate degree in community counseling). I was so gung-ho about these techniques I borrowed some training videos and watched them numerous times. I even forced Garrett to watch them with me.
Grad school feels like ages ago and I’ve honestly forgotten the name of the technique, but I haven’t forgotten the important part; how to use it!
It involves switching the sentence structure around so that the negative is on the behavior and not on the child. It also involves setting limits and giving alternatives. It also eliminates that dreaded word, “no,” that so many parents (like me and Garrett) try to avoid.
A former co-worker of mine used it for all of her children and swears by it. She told me a story about one time when her son got mad at her and said, “You just want me to grow up and make my own choices!” This is so true. As parents all we can do is hope we teach our children well enough for them to make their own (good) choices when they get older.
Do you try to avoid using the word No?
uhmm. no. i don’t. i actually use it quite frequently. but everyone has a different style and whatever works….use it!!!
Kelly,
I really like your holding on to your graduate school theory. I think it is a good one and maybe not something that will show results immediately, but in the long run will be very beneficial.
We try to avoid no to a certain extent…save it for emergencies so it has power. When it does slip out I try to say, No Ma’am in a serious, but not scary tone. I also found myself making a skkk noise a lot, which I didn’t do intentionally, but now when I make it Jules usually stops what she is doing and looks at me.
I read about someone who says, Step Back or Back Up or something like (for eating things off the floor or throwing things or grabbing hair) which usually achieves the purpose of getting the child to stop and away from whatever IT is and she saves NO for situations like running in the road or touching something hot. I like it!
I think discipline will be hard on me too. Or maybe not discipline, but consistency. I look forward to reading your experiences with it too
Jessica, You are so right. Everyone has a different style and there definitely is no ‘right way’ to parent. What works for one family will not necessarily work for the next.
Sara,
I hadn’t heard of someone saying “step back” or “back up,” but that does sound like a good idea. You’ll have to keep me posted on your experience with Jules. You always have such great ideas! I love it when you comment on our blogs!
[...] Read Part 1, then continue reading to take a peek at how I try to avoid using the word “No” in my daily interactions with Nora: [...]