Attempting to Ferberize: Getting Your Child to Sleep Alone
Posted on March 7th, 2010 by Kelly Mulder
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The results of ferberizing Nora
I recently attempted to “ferberize” and follow Dr. Ferber’s technique of getting Nora to sleep in her own bed. Dr. Ferber believes the best way to get your baby to sleep on their own is to: put your child in the crib and let them cry for five minutes, then you go in to reassure them that you’re still alive and leave again this time for ten minutes and if they’re still crying you go back and reassure them that you didn’t leave them then you leave for fifteen minutes. Do you get the pattern?
Well, Garrett had to go back to work the other day and so I was in a tricky spot of needing to make dinner and put Nora down at the same time. I almost had Nora asleep when the phone rang and woke her up. I was hungry, anxious to get cooking and not in the mood to lay with Nora to get her to sleep. She was full, she was tired and all she needed to do was sleep. So I decided to try ferberizing her.
The instant I put Nora in her crib she started to scream. When I hit the musical light thing we have secured to the crib her screaming intensified and when the door closed behind me she took on a new octave. I swallowed hard and made a b-line for the kitchen. I could hear her screaming all of the way down the hall and tried my best to immerse myself in the cooking. I even turned the kitchen fan on to get away from her crying. It wasn’t really working but I was doing anything I could think of to not be tortured by her screams. Finally I went to go and check on her and reassure her I was alive.
She started screaming even louder when I walked into the room and then a horrible smell hit me. Nora had thrown up all over herself. It was down her front and back, stuck in her hair and ALL over the crib sheet. So instead of talking to her and leaving I had to strip her down, give her a bath and change out the crib sheets. That day dinner definitely wasn’t done on time and it definitely was burnt.
How does your child react when you try to get him/her to sleep alone and how do you handle it?
Tags: Baby sleeping, Dr. Ferber, Ferberize, Kelly Mulder, onslow memorial hospital
Oh no! Well that is certainly one way of sharing her dislike of Dr. Ferber and his methods, eh?
I am still guilty of nursing Isaac to sleep, so you are not alone (: I have/still have my share of burnt dinners!
Sarah, it’s so nice to know I’m not alone! Do you co-sleep too? Have you thought about how to change the habit? I’m wondering if it will eventually make weaning a lot harder for me and Nora.
Kelly,
We followed Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child for the most part. Mike actually took the lead on the sleep training because often it will be hard for the baby to see a nursing mother. And he was much stronger with the crying. Also, Mike kept wanting to “just try it one night,” but really the key to sleep training is consistency. So I made him wait until we had a whole week including weekends where our evenings could be dedicated to sleep training and we wouldn’t have to change her schedule up in any way. She took it pretty quick.
Sometimes if she is teething or we go away we have to kind of reinforce it, but other than that she goes down like a champ. HSHHC really teaches you to follow the sleep cues so I’m always on the lookout for that so I get her before she gets overtired.
Sorry we missed you in NC and sorry I didn’t get back to you. We missed you! Hope Nora is feeling better!
Sara
Sara,
Is there a book you’d recommend? I’m not quite sure what I am going to do with Nora once Garrett deploys. I’m hoping I won’t have to have a 7pm bedtime too. I was really, really sad to miss you in NC! But I didn’t want to risk making anyone else sick. I hope you all had fun! If you ever want to come to NC again feel free to stay with me!
Kelly
Kelly,
Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy (?Happy) Child by Marc Weisenbluth is the name of the book. Our pedi highly recommended it – said if we could do it then Juliette would be able to go down pretty much any time/anywhere. He has a daughter a few months older than Juliette (and an older child), so I feel pretty comfortable with his recommendations.
I would say sleep training was a little painful the first three or four days, then it just clicked for everyone. We do bottle (or breast depending on how many times I’ve fed her that day), bath, book, bed. On the nights that we don’t give her a bath we just add in a few more books.
In her room we have a heater and a fan for white noise. Our babycrack machine broke so we haven’t been using it. In the crib we have the glowing seahorse, a taggie book and a little frog that rattles. We’ve been using the frog from the beginning, when we lay her down we rattle it over her and she usually stops crying and reaches out for it.
Sigh. Sleeping is hard, but once we got it down pat is made parenthood so much better for me! I had twelve hours to myself, of course I needed to sleep for some of them, but being able to get other stuff done was great. And Juliette was much happier and alert when she was sleeping for 12 hours. Its hard because every child is different and different things work for different families. I hope you find something that works for you guys!
When does Garrett deploy? I’m sure you guys have so much going on! Mike and I both came down with a wicked stomach virus right after we got back from NC, thank goodness J didn’t get it. I’m glad she is feeling better. I’ll let you know if we come back to NC.
Love to everyone!
Sara
Kelly-
I am so sorry you guys are having such a hard time-this sounds aweful! Sayle has always been a fantastic sleeper. Some nights he goes down with a bottle and some nights he just goes down. I lay with Sayle sometimes as well, he just rolls over and puts his hands in my hair or on my face and goes right to sleep. Then I put him in his crib.
While flipping through channels the other night, Modern Family had a story line about ferberizing. Their description sounds about like this. This was the first time I caught any of the show, but I think you would find their take on ferberizing very funny!
I hope things get better for you and Nora!
We used the same book Sara recommended for both of our kids (and intend on using it for #3 this summer). The first few days are rough, but it made all the difference knowing what to look for so that we could put the babies down before we hit the crisis stage. Nathan and Emily still sleep eleven to twelve hours a night at three and eighteen months, and they’re both down for their afternoon nap right now. Good luck!
Oh goodness. Nora, Nora, Nora.
Sara and Brynn,
I am definitely going to have to buy that book! I love getting resources from people who have tried and true methods!
Brooke,
Sayle sounds absolutely adorable. I wish Nora slept as well as Sayle. Maybe he can give her a little talk one day. I haven’t watched Modern Family, but I’ll have to check it out!
Carrie,
I know! You should have a talk with Nora too once you’re here. : )
Kelly